The Narcofod

Excerpt:

Kato knew something had to be done.  Something drastic.  He climbed from the trench and hurried to the serpent’s side.

“Let me take your place,” he said, shivering with the absurdity of the idea.

The serpent crimped its neck and assured him with scaly images that it was fine, just pretending to be otherwise.  Kato didn’t buy it for an instant.  Meanwhile, the eel beached another whale.

“The eel tricked you into fighting the tarantula,” Kato said.  “Now you’re too battered and bruised to proceed.  You’ve got more wounds than coils.  You’re despondent over the tarantula’s rejection.  You’re worried sick over the tarantula’s whereabouts and well-being.

“To be blunt,” Kato summed it up, “you’re not fit to fight an earthworm.”

As if summoned, an earthworm crawled close by.  The serpent crushed it in its many coils, though it took many tries, as kinks and spasms befuddled its technique.

The adventure continues…
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Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 43:50 — 40.1MB)

Excerpt:

Kato descended on foot with the minions, listening to their complaints about sand in their shoes, sun in their eyes, the stench of the sea.  At least they didn’t complain about their loads anymore, having discarded (much to Kato’s dismay) most of what they carried on the journey out.  Hunched under the full load of a dozen quivers of arrows, several spears, and an ungainly battle ax, Kato inched down the dune.  Suddenly his knees buckled and he fell, rolling end over end all the way to the beach, where he decided to lay for a spell.  As his head slowly unspun, he watched the bulk of the company descend towards him.

Children appropriated shields and slid down the sandy slope, bowling people over.  Several horses bolted, tossing their riders.  Of twenty-seven wagons, three overturned, and one of the four catapults simply fell apart.  Hard as it was to believe, the company seeped onto the beach in greater disarray than before.

The adventure continues…
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Excerpt:

“Look, Kato!  A kitten!”

It was a big-eyed tabby less than a month old.  Lady Dusk scooped it up and hugged it tight to her breast.  “He likes me, Kato.  I can tell.”

Indeed, the kitten had begun to purr.  Then quite suddenly it vanished down the front of her gown.

“Oh dear,” she said.  “He’s slipped inside.  Could you grab him, Kato?  My hands are busy keeping him from slipping down further.”  She stepped close to him, and the low cut of her gown gave him a clear view of an immaculate white ravine of reckless abandon.

“You could just let him fall through,” he said.

“Oh no!  He should come out the same way he went in.  That’s only proper.  Reach in, Kato.  Oh dear, he’s licking me.  It tickles!”  She jumped about.  “Kato, he’s licking me!  Make him stop.  Oh please, make him stop.”

The adventure continues…
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Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 20:03 — 18.4MB)

Excerpt:

“Do you have a name?”

“Kato.  Kato Whip.”  It occurred to him to ask the same.  “And you?”

“The Diaphanous Woman.”

He slapped himself hard.  He did so again.  She still stood before him, moonlit and leaf-dappled.

“That must hurt,” she remarked.

He nodded, his cheek afire.  “Your name–  It’s a nice name.”

“It’s very peculiar, I think, and I’m not certain I like it at all.  Though it does fit what I wear.”  She grabbed a corner of the fabric between her fingertips.  “It’s strange.  I’ve been wearing this for as long as I can remember, and it never seems to get dirty.  Of course, right now it’s causing me a bit of a problem.  Watch this.”  She unsnagged her gown from the log only to have it snag again.  “See?  I’m afraid this log doesn’t like me at all.”

He slapped himself twice more, harder still.

“Must you keep doing that?”

“Sorry,” he said.  “It keeps me awake.”

“Well, you might try coffee.  It’s harder on the stomach, but at least you’d save some skin cells.”

The adventure continues…
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Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 35:29 — 32.5MB)

Excerpt:

Kato pressed closer to the grated window and peeked within.  There was the bed all right, moonlit through the massive hole in the roof.  And now he could make out two forms in the bed, one to the right and all twisted up, the other to the left and even more pretzeled.  Good heavens!  Were they okay?

Then he heard the faintest laughter that came from Lady Dusk, followed by her words, “Oh, Lord Kran, it hurts so to laugh.  I must get out of this position.”

“The next may be worse!” Lord Kran whispered, and then he, too, laughed, and groaned.

“Here goes,” said Lady Dusk.

Kato saw her fingers claw outward at a lever, and suddenly the whole bed flip-flopped around and about, cushions and pillows swinging on fulcrums, sections of mattress wobbling into new configurations; and when all was once more still, it took Kato several seconds to locate Lord Kran and Lady Dusk again, guided by their giggles.

The adventure continues…
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Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 37:28 — 34.3MB)