The Narcofod

A pair of 21-inch monitors dwarf my desk — old monsters, boat anchors. I had to build extra supports into the desk to support them. Both monitors are hooked up to my tower. I’m running XP. Here’s what I have open right now:

• Windows Explorer (4 instances — one window shows a folder named Wells Fargo Sucks)

• Microsoft Word (showing 4 files)

• Microsoft Excel (showing 3 spreadsheets)

• Firefox (two instances, one on each monitor)

• Sony Vegas Pro 8.0 (for audio/video editing)

• Adobe Acrobat Pro (showing a pdf on shading techniques in Photoshop)

• Photoshop (showing a sketch I’m trying to paint)

• Calculator (to help with payroll)

• Internet Explorer (to invoice — the company I work for won’t allow Firefox)

• Notepad (showing a small datafile of passwords/usernames)

In the two instances of Firefox, I have 15 tabs open: Yahoo Mail, Facebook, Tech-CU (a credit union I’m switching to), a tutorial on Photoshop Advanced Concepts, a Google search on “Do I need a business savings account?”, a website on Best Health Plans for Individuals & Families, a website on Free Instant Healthcare Quotes, a Tech-CU subpage on health insurance plans, Netflix (Don’t Look Down is coming next), Health Savings Calculator, BBC News, and Paycycle (to run payroll). Actually, this is only one of my Firefox instances. The other one seems to have crashed.
I wonder why.

P.S. At my side is a laptop running Quickbooks.

The adventure continues…
Subscribe to Gary W Shockley Audiobooks in iTunes, or go to garywshockley.com to see more options.

Excerpt:
“Now, Kato, tell me what I have drawn.”
“A circle and a triangle,” Kato said quickly. For that was indeed all that Sargasson had drawn.
“No quarrel there.” Sargasson tapped the circle. “Point out to me the circle’s corner.”
“Corner?” Kato looked from Sargasson to the circle, wondering if he heard right. “A circle doesn’t have a corner.”
“It did yesterday.”
Kato stared at Sargasson, then at the circle. “No,” he said, disbelieving. After a quick glance up and down the street, Kato knelt and looked closely at the circle. He wanted to say, “No!” more vehemently, but he did not.
Sargasson pointed to the triangle. “What about this?”
“The triangle?” Kato checked the road again, then said with panicky defiance, “Three corners. There, there, and there.” He pointed them out emphatically, then looked anxiously up at Sargasson.
Sargasson gave a comforting nod. “The triangle is fine. That is something we can hold onto.” He brought the hoe down at a point between circle and triangle. “But what of the figure that belongs here — the one with two corners? Draw it for me, Kato.”

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 38:58 — 35.7MB)

Well, I just submitted a paper to the Journal of Numerical Analysis and Computational Mathematics. It involves my new calculation for zero to a record 4.3 trillion digits. The algorithm is breathtakingly complicated and took me nearly 5 years to perfect, and I had to add a five-terabyte hard drive to my PC just to hold the number. Not that I did the calculation on my PC. For that, I “borrowed” time on several supercomputers over the course of nine months, and probably the less said about that the better.

Anyway, right now I’m euphoric, enjoying a tremendous sense of accomplishment, tempered by a cautious awareness that these journals can be notoriously cliquish, enforcing their own obscure and arcane requisites for publication. Anyway, hoping you’ll wish me luck getting this revolutionary work into the public and scientific eye.

The adventure continues…
Subscribe to Gary W Shockley Audiobooks in iTunes, or go to garywshockley.com to see more options.

Excerpt:
“Name’s Samantha. Yours?”
Deep in the shadowy booth sat a woman. She was middle-aged, with a weathered, hawkish face. Her leathery hands moved deftly, braiding the handle of a new whip.
“Kato,” he said. “Kato Whip.”
“Oh?” She stood up and came forward to rest her well-formed hands on the countertop. “Where’s your whip?”
He watched the sinews jumping in her arms. “I don’t have one.”
Her hawkish eyes narrowed. “With a name like that, you ought to.” She nodded at her merchandise. “Got all kinds. Horse, bull, riding, cat ‘o nine tails, chain, monofilament. You name it, I got it.”

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 38:58 — 35.7MB)

The adventure continues…
Subscribe to Gary W Shockley Audiobooks in iTunes, or go to garywshockley.com to see more options.

Excerpt:
The grub looked sharply up, at last taking notice of them. Its tiny mouth opened. “Halt! Who goes there! Ahah, two sneaky wayfarers bent on slipping past me. Don’t you know who I am? A Wishmonger Monster, that’s who, sworn to stop all who would travel these woods. That is the purpose of our kind, the creed by which we live — to impede all travel in these Immortal Forests.”
Kato Whip stared at the grub, flabbergasted that it could talk. Would the trees start next?
“I know what you’re thinking,” the grub went on. “‘He’s not so tough. Why, he doesn’t even have any limbs!’ Well, go ahead then. Step right on past me. But first let me ask you a question: Does the word ‘pounce’ mean anything to you?” It wriggled menacingly.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 38:58 — 35.7MB)

Kato Whip has just set off after the sexy, mysterious and oh-so-wrong Diaphanous Woman, intent on tracking her down and setting her straight.

Excerpt:
“Go?” The man sheathed his daggers and sword, made adjustments to his other accouterments, and stood straight and tall, looking just the slightest bit beleaguered. “Aren’t you going to ask who I am?”
Kato did so in the barest whisper.
“The Connoisseur of Danger,” the man boomed, beginning to move about, gesturing with gusto as he spoke. “I’m quite famous in these parts, having dealt with a variety of evil-doers, mischief-makers, and what-not abominations, human and otherwise. Why, only last week I did away with the Concubine Sisters. Wicked, wicked women they. Fortunate for me, they were both pregnant at the time, which slowed their reflexes.”

Join the adventure! Click the player below, or subscribe to Gary W Shockley Audiobooks in iTunes. It’s free!

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 38:58 — 35.9MB)

The first audiobook episode should be up by the middle of December 2009.

Please stay tuned.